'Do the thing you fear most and death of fear is certain'

I’ve been on a few bike trips lately. I wasn’t too fond of riding, the liking towards which I developed when I went on the Manali-Leh trip in June 2013. It had been more than a year since I rode a bike by then and never did I ride on a highway except for the 100 KM stretch from Hyderabad to my hometown, as a pillion with my brother some 8 years ago. My mom recalls that I slept that afternoon like I rode a thousand miles, hence never tried anything with motorcycles after that.

A few months before we set out, I remember when Srinivas mentioned about the Manali-Leh tour, I gave my consent without a second thought. I was always fascinated about riding a bullet, which I never did until I was in Manali. When we left for the tour, I was nervous, I was scared and nowhere close to being confident. My bet was that I wouldn’t ride for more than a couple of days and was only happier about the fact that there will be a mini-truck accompanying us, so when any one of us are tired or hurt, we can put our bikes inside and rest. That was my plan A. Plan B was to ride. Surprisingly as it turned out, I took the truck break once, when I felt I just couldn’t ride that evening (and I regret to date having taken that break). But I rode the remaining 9 days. As much as 8 hours a day at least, and the last day I felt like I could have easily done a few more. I was sadder that day than I was when I flunked terribly in my first attempt at CA final.

There were other rides as well, the one me and Abhijith took. Having worked almost 60 hours that week in the midst of the busy season, one fine Saturday evening, two of us, frustrated, wanted to just ride into oblivion. We decided on riding to Chirala, 350-360 kilometers as per Google, turned out to be around 450. We had decided on a simple plan. Leave by 10 that night, reach Chirala in 6-7 hours, chill at the beach, ride back and reach Hyderabad by Sunday night, and well, back to work Monday morning. It sounded fairly simple. But by the time I reached home from office, I realized what a stupid plan that was. No practicality at all. I went to the loo twice (I do that when I get tensed). When Abhijith called at around 10 to ask me if the plan is on, I said I’ve never been more ready. I had given my word, and I wouldn’t back out. I was feeling low, out of energy, scared. But then we went. We rode. We started at around 11 and we rode through the night. Reached at 9 in the morning, slept, got up at 4, went to the beach, got bored, decided we’ll ride back, started at around 6 PM, back to Hyderabad at 3 AM, and well, back to work Monday morning. A little over 900 kilometers in less than 30 hours. Like a boss.

The recent one I went on was with Srinivas. He was so excited about it that he had come all the way from Bangalore to go to Machilipatnam and back over a three day period. I said I’m in. But then I was hoping he won’t come. I was thinking of all the things I can do to avoid this trip. I was scared. I was tired. I had so many reasons on not going. But I went. And when we took our first stop after a hundred kilometers, I was as fresh as I could be. We rode till 3 in the night and I was still fresh when I reached the hotel. We did 750 kilometers in around 36 hours this time. And I would not have been more confident when I was coming back.

The thing I could not help but notice after this ride is that I love riding, I enjoy it to the fullest, but not before I am scared of it, EVERY TIME! I can connect so well to those lame dar ke aage jeet hai advertisements. But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. Lalli had told me once – fear is a comfort zone that most people live in. It feels good to be there because you have nothing to lose, but when you get out of it, you’ll know exactly what you were missing. Fear kills you, but it is the only thing that can keep you alive.

There are other things as well, like when I am scared of studying a subject, I enjoy it more when I start studying (only because there’s no other way out). I was scarred for life when I got 006 in a useless subject in my first attempt to pass CA Final. YES, IT IS ZERO ZERO SIX OUT OF ONE FULL HUNDRED! I thought I’d never become a CA because I’d never pass that subject. But I studied it every day. And I started enjoying it. Though I passed it with a border mark of 40, in the third attempt (if you’re curious – 26 in the second), I did not fear it. For if I did, I’d have failed even before I gave the paper. The inspiration, however, was a quote by Mark Twain, which I tell myself even today when I’m scared of something – “Do the thing you fear most and death of fear is certain”.