Jo hota acche ke liye hota

I woke up this morning, one day before my birthday, lying in bed thinking about how life has transformed in the past one year. The first thought that came to my mind was my family’s favourite line – Jo hota acche ke liye hota, a very Hyderabadi version of everything that happens (to you), happens for (your) greater good. I detested it when I was young, got used to it as I grew up, but only this morning did I understand the full might of that simplistic philosophy everyone around me seems to live by. I looked back again to the last one year – clearly the most difficult year that went, clearly the best year for me yet. Best not because of its results – if a third person were to look at it, they’d think it was the the worst. Best because of where it is taking me and what it made of me.

Looking back, it started with me going to the psychologist, humiliated at work and home, almost lost the job I dreamt of when I came to Australia, a few visits to the police station and court. What good can come out of it I kept thinking when my family kept repeating relentlessly – Jo hota acche ke liye hota. Before I knew it I started finding the buried hatred for that non-sense of a hope. But like the clichéd saying goes – the night is darkest before the dawn – I was soon to find the love and meaning of what it meant.

Amidst all the tumult, two good things happened to me during the year out of sheer luck. One was joining acting lessons – I had no idea what to expect from it. One of my best friends had suggested a few years ago that I should join theatre/acting as they believed it will bring the best out of me. During the following weeks my teacher, Peter Sardi, repeatedly said – you become a better actor when you become a better person; you become a better person when you become aware of yourself. As I sat in court in front of a magistrate a couple of months later, I became aware of my thumping heart – I asked it to calm down and it did – and at that moment I knew I had become a better person. Henceforth, I searched for what I felt every time I was in a dilemma, and every time I found that deep down I had nothing untoward towards anything or anyone - and that gives me peace.

The second sheer luck is meeting someone. During one of the conversations, a self-aware me said to her – I am not much of a thinking person, you know; I do first, think later (as if to do justice to that line, I didn’t think before saying it out, it just came). Her response – and that is what I love the most about you – was one of the best finds of the year (and life) for me. The ever-troubled, living-in-the-past, beat-yourself-up-for-everything me immediately went to someone who hated me for acting before thinking; while the new self-aware, loving-life, coming-of-age me realised how different people can be and how difficult things can get if you don’t understand and accept that simple fact of diversity. In that split second I grew up, for all these years I have just been growing old.

As I lay in bed this morning, excited for the first time in years about my birthday, trying to stitch together the recent happenings, I realised I am the best version of me yet which wouldn’t be possible without the difficulties (read: lessons of life) of the year gone by. I now understand my family’s never-give-up attitude in trying to impart me, their most troubled member, with the wisdom – Jo hota acche ke liye hota.

Every father is a hero to his child

Every father is a hero to his child - when I read this quote on the back of a motorcycle a long time ago, I couldn't relate more to it. That day forward, answer to every security question which asks - "who is your childhood hero?" has been 'Abba' (not the pop band; that's what I call my father). Now don't go about trying to use it to hack into my bank accounts - you won't find much money for I am not a saving man; I take after my father when it comes to bad finances - as in many other things says my mother. However, if there were one trait I wish I had came close to resembling him - it would be his generosity.

Often times when it comes to generosity, we as material humans mistake it to being generous about money. Boy was he generous in that matter too - for he made a lot of it during his time but has none left now - not because he spent it on himself, but because he spent it on those who asked of him directly, those who came to him for help without being explicit and those who never approached him for they were too proud but he knew were in need of help.

Throughout my childhood and teenage days, he never entertained me in his office (which was the front room of our home) but the few times I managed to take a sneak peak, I witnessed many amazing things. From people being counselled for their problems in marriage going on to name their child after him to people rejected by the society to have fallen in love with someone from the other religion getting married under his guardianship. The most amazing of those things was when someone hysterical fell to his feet calling him God only for him to rock back in utter humility, lift them up and tell them that there is only one God while he is just a means. He is a spiritual man, so he religiously believes he is only but a means - the thought I think humbled him and kept him grounded; but to many he is the Godfather they never had. He could ask anything of those people and they would be ready to do it for him - but the most he asked of them was to pray for him and his family's peace of mind.

Now peace of mind he almost always had; though only a few days ago I realised what made him such a content man was this trait of generosity. He gave and gave more, in money and service, never expecting to get anything in return. If you look at his life you'd think he hasn't got much in return but ask him and he'd tell you otherwise, measured in terms you would never have thought of before.

People who didn't know him enough thought of him as being naive - someone who doesn't save for the rainy day, someone who had three children to look after but is wasting away all his money on people who wouldn't care for him later. What they failed to see was his belief in God and karma. He believes nothing bad would happen to him and construed seemingly bad events as God's will, knowing there is good coming out of it surely. The good, surprisingly to many and obvious to him, almost always shows up. For the times it doesn't, he says is a good sign for God is saving them up to be in his favour on the Day of Judgement. This verse from the Quran sums it up - But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.

I myself have never been a giving man. I am so human, I don't remember much of doing something for someone without expecting returns. One of the few things I remember was to give myself in completely in a failed relationship. A failed relationahip tells a lot about the returns, ironically though this is the only time I remember feeling content despite the result. I can now relate to my hero, at least for once, on his most wonderful trait - and the philosophy that you don't feel content when you receive, but in contrast contentment is invoked from your ability to give. The more you give, the more at peace you are with yourself.

Notwithstanding all the differences between me and my ex, she said one of the most beautiful things I heard about my father: "Abba is Jack Pearson in a world full of Kardashians".

Every father is a hero to his child. This line is true I am sure to many whose fathers have been borderline fine raising them up. You can hence imagine my hopeless case.